Hello everyone who is reading this post. Today, I may not be alive anymore, but I just wanted to express myself before making a final decision.
This post touches on difficult topics, including mental health struggles. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, please feel free to leave this page.
Let's begin from the very beginning. When I was a little kid, I loved life. It was a beautiful place full of nature and vitality. When I got my first real girlfriend (before that, it was just "dating"), I messed up.
But you know why? Because I was almost always alone. The friends I had, I could never be truly comfortable with. I still don't know why, even now. It feels like they were built differently. That was one reason I ruined almost every relationship I had. I didn't know how to express my love or talk to people because I had nothing meaningful to say. At the time, I was sure I was the only person like that. After I joined social media, I realized I was not the only one. But no one could fix it.
After that, I gave up on the idea of having a girlfriend. I got a job as an IT technician, and during that time I was making my first game in Godot, which you may know today as Underfang. Before continuing, let's jump ahead a little. When I was a child, my parents were constantly fighting and screaming at each other. It continued, and continued, until I was 16. At the same time, I was trapped in the same cycle with girlfriends and friends. So how could a guy like me ever change after all of that? At the age of 7, I started having thoughts that made life feel unbearable, and they followed me until I was 16. I told myself it was not worth it, over and over again. But in the end, maybe it was?
I have one last thing to tell you all. What I shared about my life was only a small part of what I actually endured, and for those of you reading this, thank you. I really hope your life is full of hope. I don't think hope exists for me anymore. Thank you to my friends for creating such good memories; it was fun. But this world seems to be moving toward destruction.
What about you?
I don't know you, but I know that one day you will achieve your dreams, no matter what path you're taking. Remember who you are. Do not fear nightmares; they can help you understand how to control yourself.
If you are stuck in a loop with lust or obsession, I know I was there too. Find something to do, stop dwelling on it, and go out, even alone, to discover the world. Sometimes you need to break rules to keep going.
And here's some advice: if someone talks to you and you don't like the way they speak, just ignore them. Do not respond, even if it hurts. Ignore it.
That's all I have to say. It was unique, Thank you for that.
7etsukae
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